How to Save Money by Not Buying Oysters

Locker room talk is fascinating. It has almost nothing to do with sports, plays or even whether or not you can remember the combination to your locker. It has become a euphemism for the kind of raunchy conversations that happen in the guys’ locker room. Not being a female, I don’t know if similar conversations happen on their side, but I imagine they spend their time talking about world events, poetry and recipes for baked yams. . . or discussing which new movie vampire is super hot! The guys, though, talk about sex. A lot. As a young teen, I can remember boys talking about sexual stuff and remarking, “You know what I mean?” I didn’t. But you can’t let them know that, so you just go along and create, out of whole cloth, things that, when said with authority, become new truth to the group. That is, I imagine, how the notion of oysters as an aphrodisiac began: “You know what gets a girl hot? Oysters.” Yep, slimy, raw, fishy-stinking globules. Nothing sexier. If you ask a question, however, you end up mocked and ridiculed, so you just don’t ask. So we get into the habit of avoiding difficult and awkward questions . . . and not just about sex. There are tons of questions that we ponder, but are too uncomfortable to ask. We either don’t want to look stupid or we honestly don’t want to know. I can remember living in a ministry residence during college that had a phone booth. (You probably have no idea what that is, but Superman used to dress in one and Dr. Who travels around in one, of sorts.) Before cell phones, you would put quarters into the slot in order to call your friends. Ours was broken, however. You could call without putting money in. Sadly, our staff didn’t bother to ask why that was. They preferred not to know, so that they could feel less guilty about using the phone to call long distance. Many of our questions are like that when it comes to God. We don’t want to ask what the Bible says about something because it might mean we shouldn’t be doing that. So we keep silent. It is a good time, however, to break the silence and go ahead and ask those weird, creepy, awkward questions that bounce around in the back of our craniums. (Crania? Should have taken Latin!) I’ve had a lot of experience with such things. People don’t often feel comfortable talking to their pastor about them, (What would he think of me?) But the youth pastor? No problem. I get asked about stuff as diverse as shop-lifting, masturbation or, one of my favorites, a question from a home school mothers group about anal sex in marriage. (That was a fun phone call.) So feel free to ask you question anonymously by sending it to me at ipymin@gmail.com. As you ask, think about where your beliefs about things come from. Is it set by your culture? Philosophy? Parents? Peers? My responses unashamedly start with scripture and that can lead to some uncomfortable places for some people. I’m not interested in being all judgmental, but in simply sharing what God’s Word says on the subject. If it is silent, I will tell you that, too. I will treat the responses like a doctor treats you as a patient. She doesn’t tell you what you want to hear, but what you need to hear. I should also note that some of the topics will be of a more adult nature, so if you are shocked by questions about sex, you probably should turn back now. Let’s clear out of the locker room and start getting answers to those awkward questions.