Call Me Carlos Danger

One must wonder if ancient man, after painting images on the cave walls of great battles and beautiful animals, took out a tablet and scratched out a new picture that he flung across the cavern to his lady love. “Look, Myrtle (You got a better name for a cave-dwelling mama?), I send you picture of my penis.” Somehow I think her response, also flung across the cave, would be a tongue-in-cheek, “I guess it was cold today.” It took some effort for our ancestors to send pictures to one another. For us, it can take mere seconds. Sadly, our efficiency has made us less likely to ask the question of whether or not it’s a good idea. Even people that we think should be smarter than us, make stupid decisions when it comes to communicating visually using their smart phones. More than one politician or celebrity’s career has crashed and burned due to leaked photos or videos. The reality is that even if we really trust our partner or go to the precaution of using applications like snap chat, the images we send don’t really go away. In America, some NSA agent has already, no doubt, reviewed your naked selfie to determine if your booty is a threat to national security. And that clever recipient, who may or may not actually be the person you think it is, can pretty easily keep a copy for themselves. From a purely practical side, sexting doesn’t seem like a great idea. Even so, millions do it, with many of them being younger. (It’s not so much that older people are any wiser, just that we realize nobody would keep talking to us if they saw us naked.) Beyond practicality, what are the moral implications of sending sexual pictures? You may recall that when asked to sum up the law of God, Jesus was able to condense it into two basic thoughts: “ And he said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.’” (Matthew 22:37-40 ESV) This is a good starting point to consider whether things not specifically addressed in scripture (Like the use of cell phone cameras) are things we ought to be involved in. Starting with the first part, does sexting show your love for God? Though many might respond to illicit images with “OMG” that is not exactly a devotional statement. It is possible, without blasphemy, to look at one’s spouse’s nude body and praise God for giving them to you. Pics snapped in the bathroom at 3am, however, rarely reflect that attitude. When the person you are communicating with is a stranger or someone to whom you are not married, it is tough to see how it can be pleasing to God when we do things that promote lust or sexual immoral behavior that God has counseled us about avoiding. What about loving our neighbor? Isn’t that what we’re doing? Wink, wink? Barring underage students from the discussion, what does it matter if consenting adults exchange sexy snaps? Is this the kind of selfless love for neighbor Jesus preached and demonstrated? After all, we are essentially reducing the relationship to body parts. I can recall working with teenaged girls who routinely slept with guys in order to feel good about themselves. The young man would comment about how hot she was or that he liked her breasts; they’d participate in sexual behaviors and . . . that was it. There was no relationship, no love, just enough compliments to get some. Those girls ended up devastated and felt worse, instead of better, about themselves. They started to believe that their only value was as a sex object. God created sex to be something awesome that not only provided fun, but actually deepened and matured relationships. Done properly, your spouse should feel more valued as an entire person because of your active sex life. The best case scenario for sexting with non-spouses is that it is essentially benign. If we truly loved our partner, we’d develop a committed relationship and we’d find a better opportunity to express that than hanging out shooting selfies. Having said that, there are potentially legitimate times when exchanging such erotic imagery may be okay. I can imagine a married couple separated due to deployment, work situation, a family emergency or some other reason where they cannot be physically together for an extended period of time. Using technology, they may wish to communicate about all the areas of life including sexuality. As noted in a previous post, the main problem with masturbation is lust. Since your spouse is the legitimate object for your sexual desire, there is no real issue with separated spouses using self stimulation due to physical separation. It can fulfill the law by showing love to God for providing your spouse and love for that person by valuing them and your relationship. The same practical concerns, exist, however. Many people have been embarrassed by accidentally hitting “reply all.” Not an endorsement, per se, but an understanding that it is a possible option in certain settings. Perhaps we should just go ahead and use our cell phone cameras for their proper use–taking pictures of cute animals and posting them all over Facebook, Reddit, YouTube . . .