Biblical answers to the questions you are too embarrassed to ask your pastor
Thursday, September 12, 2013
If Jellystone Were in the Sixth Sense, Would Yogi Bear’s Little Buddy’s Name Be a Clue That He Wasn’t Alive?
Friday, September 6, 2013
Dead Men Walking
Question: So are zombies possible? And if so, what does that mean for believers?
“You have to shoot them in the head.”
Vampires get staked in the heart; werewolves get shot with silver bullets (And no, Coors doesn’t count), but zombies are only stopped by blowing their brains out. Now, technically, that can be done with a bat, shovel or high heeled shoe, but the brain must go.
These vicious reanimated corpses were made famous by George Romero, but are now amazingly popular due to the Walking Dead tv show and comics as well as countless films that capitalize on the phenomena. The zombie mythos, however, has a much longer shelf-life tied into voodoo rituals and the possibility that those priests and priestesses might have actually been very good amateur pharmacists crafting drugs to reduce life signs and induce a state of almost hypnotic persuadability. Modern zombies, however, aren’t just barely living docile slaves, they are dead. D. E. A. D. And they are hungry for human flesh, spreading the plague of their condition quickly through the rank and file of society.
So is this possible? Does the Bible permit such a state?
To be clear, dead is dead.
“And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment” (Hebrews 9:27 KJV)
Unless your name is Lazarus, you are pretty much out of luck. When we die, we immediately pass into our eternal destiny. (A discussion of the “I was dead on the table for 14 seconds and I went to heaven/hell” stories can be dealt with at another time.) General rule of thumb: you die, you stay dead.
Some folks will point to the resurrection of the dead promised in scripture as a justification for a coming zombie apocalypse.
“ For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.” (1 Thessalonians 4:16-17 ESV)
Yes, there will be a massive resurrection of the dead at Christ’s return. I imagine that will be super freaky to watch, but note what happens here–they join the living believers in welcoming Jesus in the air. So unless you are tooling about in your Jetsons jet car, you should be fine. And these folks aren’t interested in “Braaaains!,” they are interested in just one thing: Jesus. In addition, nobody ends up with a rotting corpse body like make-up genius Greg Nicotero devised. We get much better bodies that are impervious to decay.
“ Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality.” (1 Corinthians 15:51-53 ESV)
Our souls immediately pass into heaven or hell, but what about those bodies prior to the general resurrection? Is it possible that they could be reanimated? You probably aren’t going to like my answer: It is possible. There are lots of provisos here, but when Uncle John passes, while he is gone, his body could be reanimated.
Organ donation is a small scale picture of this. The heart, kidneys or corneas that he no longer needs are placed in or on a new host. They cease to be John and become a living, working part of Ethel, Candace and Jean Ralphio. In a very real sense, former living tissue is given new life, but only when attached to a living being.
As zombies have become more popular, writers have sought to embrace a scientific basis for the condition. Usually it is traced to a virus that infects healthy flesh, but a more likely culprit would be a parasite. There are several examples of this in the wild. (including at least two wasp species.) Though not an easy task, if attached quickly enough to a recently departed body, it is conceivable that a parasitic organism could send electrical impulses through the existing pathways of the creature in order to cause motion. This would, as is common to the lore, be very limited, so the whole rotting thing makes sense as the parasite focuses only on absolutely essential processes.
Even if that were possible, you can go ahead and conk Uncle John in the head with impunity because “Elvis,” as it were, “has left the building.” This has no more moral implications than swatting a fly. (Sorry, PETA.)
There is another option which is more troubling–demonic possession. The Bible recounts several examples where demons attached themselves to people. It is important to note that demons don’t seem to be able to remain in dead tissue as evidenced by the whole suicidal swine episode in Mark 5. While in control of their living hosts, however, they do not treat them well.
“For he had often been bound with shackles and chains, but he wrenched the chains apart, and he broke the shackles in pieces. No one had the strength to subdue him. Night and day among the tombs and on the mountains he was always crying out and cutting himself with stones.” (Mark 5:4-5 ESV)
The demons have little regard for their human hosts. It is conceivable that such afflicted folks would have lots of weeping sores, untreated infections, burns and other defacing wounds that might, indeed, appear very like our image of zombies. On the positive side, however, while there is yet life, there is yet hope. As this man was freed from his demons by Jesus, it is possible, were this to happen, we could seek the Lord to do the same for Uncle John.
So generally speaking, we are pretty safe from an actual zombie apocalypse. Time to move our concerns over to Mayan calendars (oops, too late already), rogue asteroids and sentient robots that reject Asimov’s rules.
Got a question? Ipymin@gmail.com

Wednesday, September 4, 2013
The Chronic Condition
Question: Is it okay to smoke weed?
There is a certain segment of the population that cannot tell you what those John 3:16 signs at sporting events mean and who couldn’t name 2 of the disciples, but they know one verse quite well:
“And God said, ‘Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food.’” (Genesis 1:29 ESV)
Supporters of the use of recreational drugs–especially marijuana, often cite this verse to show that God is on their side in the great debate. They will often go so far as to refuse to even use the term “drug” with reference to marijuana, noting that it is just a plant. All plants are fair game in their understanding of this verse.
So when I was a child and my mother told me not to eat those red berries off the bushes in the front yard, she was preventing me from fulfilling my God-given destiny! Who was she to restrict what God had given me for food? I should embrace my liberty and make a random woodland berry smoothie, a wild toadstool risotto, a little poison ivy salad and a nightshade souffle. Or. . . perhaps I should read more than just that one verse?
Before the fall of man, every plant was indeed safe and useful for food. Adam’s sin, however, affected more than just his spiritual life. Changes happened to all of creation.
“And to Adam he said, ‘Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ‘You shall not eat of it,’cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you;
and you shall eat the plants of the field.’” (Genesis 3:17-18)
Something changed because of Adam’s sin. Instead of food being readily available, man would now have to actually work the ground by the sweat of his brow (Gen 3:19), deal with dangerous and difficult plants that offered him no benefit as a food source and be able to distinguish between food plants and non-food plants. That condition continues to this day which is why I’ll be skipping my red berry repast.
That just goes to clarify that not every plant is useful as our food just because it is a plant. There is a wonderful diversity in our ecosystem. Cotton, for instance, is great for creating fabric, but not such a great side dish.
So where does marijuana fit?
There is no doubt that cannabis is a useful plant. It has long been the source for hemp, an incredibly versatile fiber that has been used for making rope for centuries and which is used in numerous commercial applications to this day. However, much as tobacco is primarily used for its abundance of nicotine, much cannabis today is used for its abundance of THC, a psychoactive compound found in the plant. Most people who smoke marijuana are not doing so because of the useful fiber content –they want the effect of the drug.
It is worth noting that there have been ongoing studies about possible legitimate medicinal uses of the plant. It has shown promise in dealing with inflammation, possibly curbing diabetes and assisting with nausea for chemotherapy patients. It is also worth noting that when the active compounds are given to treat patients for their ills without the high, many patients are no longer interested despite the benefit received. That does not change the fact that this plant has the potential to yield some medicinally valuable compounds even without a buzz.
But what about that buzz? Is there anything wrong with using marijuana to get high?
The Bible scholars who knew Genesis 1:29 by heart will also tell you that the Bible doesn’t once mention marijuana. Therefore, the argument goes, it is perfectly fine.
To be clear, the Bible doesn’t specifically address marijuana, nor does it talk about not drinking poison, running over little old ladies with your car or using phishing scams to defraud trusting email users. That does not, however, mean that it does not offer guiding principles about such things.
The Bible repeatedly talks about drunkenness. At this point my pot-loving friends often remark that marijuana is not alcohol. They are correct, but the reason I bring it up is to ask why drunkenness even matters to God? What’s the big deal? The ancients weren’t operating heavy machinery. (Unless the Ancient Aliens people are correct and the Jews had nuclear powered tools.).Who cares if someone is a little–or even a lot, buzzed?
When someone becomes intoxicated (It doesn’t particularly matter if it is as a result of alcohol, marijuana or narcotics), they are no longer fully in control of themselves. Someone in such a state has diminished capacity and cannot, according to our laws, be entrusted to safely operate a car, enter into a contract or make an informed decision regard sexual activity. That does not mean that someone has to become lampshade-wearing blotto drunk to be considered under the influence. We all know people (And may have even been them) who ended up making decisions while inebriated that they would not have made sober, whether it is hooking up with a person at the club, sending drunk texts or revealing secrets about your friends that you wish you hadn’t. Decisions made under the influence often have lasting impact in our lives after the buzz wears off.
The main problem with drunkenness is not the physical impact on your body, but the decrease in self-control.
This is something the Bible addresses a lot:
“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age.” (Titus 2:11-12)
“ For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness.” (2 Peter 1:5-6)
“Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity.” (Titus 2:6-7)
In fact, lack of self-control is a sign of ungodliness: “For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good;” (2 Timothy 3:2-3) while self-control is a sign of the Spirit’s work: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. “ (Galatians 5:22-23) ( Note: The issue of self-control is farther reaching than just the use of drugs.)
It is good to be in control, but it is not always fun. I’m sure there were times in Paul’s life when he would have wanted to mentally check-out from the pain of being constantly beaten, mistreated and misunderstood. We all get there. Is marijuana (Or any other drug for that matter) the solution? Or does God offer other alternatives?
Paul remained in control and actively engaged his difficulties. He communicated with the Lord who loved him; he connected with the people of God who supported him and lavished their love upon him; he grew strong enough to handle the abuse of those who didn’t like him or his message. He was even able to hang out socially and enjoy great times of fellowship without the need to be chemically altered.
Whether your reason for getting high is to fit in, to become mellow, to embrace your creativity or something else, the side effect is always giving up some control over your decisions. We just don’t make the best ones while under the influence. That’s one of the reasons that God tells us to value self-control. Perhaps one way to foster that fruit of the Spirit is by resisting the temptation to use marijuana at all.
Got a question? Ipymin@gmail.com
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